I remember the day of my wedding fondly but faintly. I remember gathering with the men (boys really) in a room behind the sanctuary. The minister sitting at ease with numerous such occasions behind him. The brother of the bride cornered me in the bathroom for the requisite, "if you hurt her" speech. All the while I was pacing back and forth with anticipation and trepidation. The late April skies heavy with signs of spring. Crowd gathering and music playing. We walked out to the front of the church and I noticed the sun was not shinning through the magnificent stained glass as I had hoped. The sanctuary decorated modestly but lovingly added an air of consequence to the moment. I saw a few familiar faces all with the same questions on them that were going through my mind. What are we doing here? Is this the right thing? Is this the right time? Am I right for her? Is she right for me? Isn't there anything else we could be doing today? Maybe just being the kids we are and not making a big deal of life. Maybe we could just...
And then the music changed and the anticipation grew. I saw my beautiful bride-to-be through the opening doors at the back of my childhood church. All the memories of the Christmases and Easters and running around unfettered were at once replaced with the image of my love staring back at me. The timeless and elegant words of the vows and pledges that we recited were wholly lost on me as I gazed into the eyes of the woman before me. I had little concept of God's providence at the time. I had even less understanding of all it took to get her to walk into that room where I sat on the couch watching TV so many years before. With hindsight I can say that the woman before me that day was the woman God had divinely appointed for me to be with forever from the beginning of time. But, on that day, all I could think of was how crazy it was to be there with her.
Although we both seemed to age twenty years in twenty minutes, twenty three years later I have the same feeling! Only now it's, how crazy she is for being here with me! We've had our ups and downs; our doubts and questions. We've wondered silently alone and out-loud together (sometimes very loud!) those same questions as the first day of our marriage. But, through it all, God has taught us that what really matters is US, not me, not her, not even we, but US. Together we are who we are now. Apart we wouldn't even know how to function. She is long term memory; I am short term. She is detail; I am big picture. She is spontaneity and whimsy; I am habit (mostly bad) and practical. Together we make US.
To all those fighting to say independent in a marriage; give it up! Be US together with you spouse and live life dependent on God and dependent on each other; it's better that way!
"This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." (Gen 2:24 NLT)
I am absolutely looking forward to twenty-three, and more, years with my childhood sweetheart. Looking more forward to those years than the last twenty-three. Why? Because I know about US. I know about all of the ways we complement, counsel, and coerce each other. I know about all we will do together in the next twenty-three; add a son-in-law and daughter-in-law, watch our children navigate the same terrain we did (hopefully with more skill and grace then we did), welcome grandchildren into the world (4-6 is a good number), love people with the love of the Lord and the wisdom and experience of the first twenty-three, and, some day, sit back and look with awe and wonder at all that God has done with out humble beginnings and troubled hearts.
It is physically impossible to express the fullness of my gratitude to God for giving me my wife and to my wife for hanging in there with me. We made it this far, we can do anything with God and each other!
Yes! And Amen!
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